The Five Times Lysander Broke Alice's Heart
by alexiroseni
Summary: and the one time he fixed it. This is the story of Lysander Scamander and Alice Longbottom II. It's their greek myth. They seem forever destined to chase each other, head over heels in love, but never able to reach other. (Cover picture by Obitus-Strand on deviantART)
1. Prologue

Prologue

This is the story of Lysander Scamander and Alice Longbottom. Their greek myth where they were forever destined to chase each other, head over heels in love, but never able to reach other.

They grew up together. Their parents were close friends from before they were born. Hannah often asked Luna to watch Alice when they had been little and work at the Leaky Cauldron was overwhelming. Then Hannah would return the favor for whenever Rolf and Luna needed to go on one of their trips taking care of Lysander and Lorcan.

They rode the Hogwarts Express for the first time together along with Albus Potter who was Ly's best mate and Rose Weasley who was like a sister to Alice. Even though she was sorted into Gryffindor like her Father and he into Ravenclaw like his Mother their closest friends bridged the would be gap by being sorted into Slytherin together with Scorpius Malfoy and Blaise Zabini Junior called June.

All through first, second, third and fourth year she got him through Potions and he got her through Arithmancy, Defense and Transfiguration. They sat together in the classes they had together. She rooted for Ravenclaw in Quidditch when they were playing her house. They both hung out in the greenhouse to help her Dad in their spare time, to be with each other and because they both like Herbology.

On Holidays Ly was always thick as thieves with the other three of the Manly Four (Al, Scor and June). Alice tagged along with Rose trying to cover the boys tracks and help them out do James Potter and Fred Weasley II.

It was idyllic and way too much fun. Then they turned 14.

* * *

**a/n **Hullo! This is again set in the same verse as my other Next!Gen fics. You don't have to read the others to understand this one I just suggest you read "Sorted" if you want to know me reasoning for how I sorted this bunch. This one is drama and angst and sadness. Maybe one day I'll write something super fluffy but it's not really my m.o.

signing off now,  
Alex


	2. One

**The First Time**

It was the last official days of school of fourth year. They were sitting in an empty classroom in the afternoon sun trying to finish up their last assignments. Ly had conjured them a couch. He sat writing an essay whereas Alice lay sprawled next to him reading for History of Magic. It was too warm to be inside but they were in "the zone." They had been studying for at least three or four hours.

Alice sighed and shifted in her position and then felt the book pulled from her hands. Ly looked down at her, his blue eyes bright with mischief, his black bangs hanging like a curtain in front of his face.

"I think we've studied enough don't you?"

Alice snatched at the book. "You just want to go find Messrs. Malfoy, Zabini and Potter to keep working on your end of the year prank."

Ly smiled and shook his head. "You know me too well."

Alice just shrugged. "Go, I'll take your stuff to your dorm later."

Ly stood to leave. "But you are going to stay here, finish reading and then correct my essay and then write your own first, aren't you?"

Alice grinned, sitting up on the couch. "You know me too well."

Ly stood there, seemingly shocked and then he stepped forward, extending a hand to her. Alice took it tentatively because he didn't look his normal carefree and neerdowell self. He pulled her up to stand, eye to eye, with him.

Ly spoke quietly. "Actually Alice, I was thinking how I don't know you all that well. I have no idea how you will react to what I am about to do."

Then he leaned in, giving her time to back away. But she didn't. All Alice could think was _Sweet Merlin, he is going to kiss me. Lysander Scamander is going to kiss me! I hope my breath doesn't smell._

And they kissed. It was gentle, tentative, the perfect first kiss. And when it ended both Ly and Alice laughed, giddy from the feelings that flooded them like a drug.

They spent the entire summer together because her parents were travelling so was she staying with his family. They spent their days swimming, flying, and catching frogs. It was like they were 8 again. He taught her to dance even though she didn't like too. They went to one of the Malfoy family extravaganzas together. They slept over at the Burrow and played pranks on the others (Rose, Al, Scor and June). When he kissed her it tasted like the pop rocks his parents always brought back from their trips. Alice wanted it to go on forever. She wrote him a seriously pondered love letter and planned on giving it to him on the first day of school.

Then summer ended.

"Alice?"

"Hmm?"

"We need to talk."

She froze and Ly felt his stomach drop. She turned to look at him in the moonlight, shining down on them where they sat on the roof of his house, watching fireflies dance in the night sky. It would be perfect if Ly didn't know what he was about to say. But he couldn't risk losing Alice by breaking her heart because he flirted with other girls in their year. Or that they flirted with him and he flirted back.

"Ly?"

"Hmm?"

"What do you want to talk about?"

"Um, it's hard to say but I think when we get back to school we should go back to being just friends."

Alice turned to look out at the night sky. After a few beats she just nodded.

"If you want to."

"Yeah."

"Ok."

"Do you want to come in a watch Lorcan beat me at chess?"

"Sure. Well, I think I'll stay out here awhile longer."

"If that's what you want."

"Yeah."

"Ok."

He dated several other girls in fifth year. None of the relationships lasted that long because they both mentally compared the girl to Alice. Meanwhile she cried herself to sleep every night because he was blind to her affection. She thought he must have gotten bored with her or realized he didn't actually like her. He was constantly telling her about his newest "love" interest. She faked a smile and loved him even more than she did before. It was like he broke her heart daily. But that was just the start. Because in sixth year it got a whole hell of lot worse.


	3. Two

**The Second Time**

By sixth year Ly got over himself and figured they should actually date before they decided that they weren't right for each other. So they had dated. And it was wonderful. It was so natural to hold hands and exchange kisses throughout the day. Kisses that tasted less like pop rocks and more like chocolate frogs and every-flavor beans. Kisses that were given and received. Kisses that were stolen. Kisses in broom closets and behind statues. Kisses in his common room or hers. Kisses in front of portrait holes before heading to bed. And Alice wanted the kissing to go on forever. It was sweet, passionate, lovely, and scary all at once. But it sure as hell wasn't complicated. All their friends found it natural to relate to them as a couple.

Over Christmas, he went to New York with his family. They stood, foreheads pressed together, just before he took the portkey. One last lingering kiss and then he was gone. And like a rush of cold air against her skin Alice realized she missed him already. She felt hurt in her stomach wishing she was there in New York. Christmas was her favorite holiday and she hated every minute because she didn't want to spend it missing Lysander. That was when she realized with utter clarity that she had fallen for Lysander in the cruelest way. She need him with her all the time and in every way. And they were only 16.

Then they got back to school and everything went downhill. Looking back certain moments stuck in her brain forever. Like the first Tuesday of February.

"Well isn't this weird." Alice let her voice slice through the air. "What are you doing here Mr. Scamander?"

Ly had come into the greenhouse with arms full of potions books but he stopped short of the door when she spoke, confused. "We study together on Tuesdays."

"Which explains why you WEREN'T here last week."

Ly's eyes got wide. "Didn't Lorcan tell you we had a family thing to sort out..."

"Funny, Lorcan told me he had no idea where you were."

"Funny, because I thought I told him..."

"What? To cover for you?"

"No..."

Alice closed her eyes because it hurt to look at him and tell him what she had found out. "Ly, how long have you been seeing Lorilee?"

When she opened her eyes Ly wasn't looking at her. "It was a one time thing.."

"You know what, I don't care. Ly, we're done here."

"Alice..." He looked pitiful. But she didn't want to pity him.

"Don't...just don't. I don't want to see you. Was it worth it? Is she worth this?"

Ly stood stock still, his hand grasping the back of his neck, his books limply held in the other staring at the floor.

"The answer, Lysander, is NO! A big fat resounding No. Now please leave." Alice turned back to her work ignoring him until he walked away.

"Scamander."

"Potter."

"Is it true?"

Lysander looked up from his school work to see Al, Scor, June and Lorcan standing there looking at him. He was shit at Potions and now he didn't have a tutor because of one moment of weakness, so he was distracted and didn't see the warning signs.

"Is what true?"

"You damn well know what I'm bloody talking about."

Ly sucked in his breath. Albus Potter rarely swore. That was his thing. Al was pretty much a goody two shoes. So this whole interchange gave him pause. He looked slowly from mate to mate. Then his stomach dry heaved. Somehow despite his every precaution they had found out.

"Yeah. It was a mistake."

"No, Scamander, dropping the quaffle is a mistake, mispronouncing a spell during a test is a mistake, not renewing your subscription to _Quidditch Times_ is a mistake."

"Well Malfoy, since I never do those things I'm entitled for another type of mistake."

"Not **_this_**."

It was his twin brother, Lorcan, who spoke. The fact that Lorcan looked more like their mother with his blonde hair and silver eyes emphasized the balance that the brothers established and held onto.

Ly nodded at his brothers statement. "Fine."

The others left and as they did Ly knew that he had lost their friendship. So he took to having lunch and going to class with his fellow Ravenclaws. _Who needs those Slytherin arses anyways?_ McLaggen whispered to him when the other Manly Four avoided him in the halls. He was smarter than the lot of them. He could make his own way. And he almost convinced himself. Except that Prof. Longbottom (Ly no longer referred to him as Uncle Neville) chose to show his disapproval of Ly's actions by saying absolutely nothing. Neville had simply talked to Rolf and it was made clear to Ly that he was not to do anything to hurt Alice again. Rolf had spoken to his son and that was that. And Ly finally knew the truth of the statement that you never know what you have until it's gone.

When Alice found out the full details of just how close Ly and Lorilee had gotten over Christmas she got mad, really mad, irate. 16 was looking to be a shite year. The worst was Alice hadn't really expected Ly to stay faithful because they were only 16 and he was a git. She had hoped that for once he felt the same as she did but she knew that was very unlikely.

"But that he would dump me for Lorilee Trundley makes no sense." She sat at lunch with the other girls and found herself planning revenge for the first time in her life. "Lorilee won't know what hit her."

"Angry much Longbottom?" Rose asked.

"That Miss Dungheap stole Ly? No. I'll get the last word. I always do." Alice stabbed her salad in fury.

Rose eyebrows shot up. Alice smirked. Under normal circumstances no one but Ly saw her more violent side but as she watched Ly and Lorilee share lunch at a predominantly Ravenclaw table Alice knew circumstances weren't ordinary. Ordinarily he'd be at her table with the other Manly Four (Al, June and Scor) teasing her and Rose and Jemima or mocking Hugo or plotting pranks or being scolded by Molly. Instead he was eating with a bunch of Ravenclaws and Miss...

"Does Frumpy rhyme with Lorilee?" Alice asked as she glared at the girl.

"Sure." Molly replied, wary of Alice's laser eyes.

"Good." Alice replied.

Alice had four classes with Ravenclaws, three with Ly, one with Lorilee. She was grateful she didn't have any with both of them. One day, after Transfiguration (her worst subject) and the one class she shared with Lorilee, Alice left with her thoughts so much in a tizzy that she didn't think twice about Ly waiting outside the classroom and walked over to him, griping about class before heading to lunch assuming he was keeping step with her.

"I think I am too much like my Father. We were doing some pretty basic stuff but I still couldn't flick my wrist properly. I am really going to need your help with this on...Ly? What are you waiting for. We're going to be late for lunch..."

Alice turned to see Lorilee kiss Ly's cheek and felt her face burn. That was right. She had lost her best mate to that snit. Ly was giving her an odd look. When Lorilee saw what was distracting her boyfriend Alice got the feeling the other girl thought she was a bug to be crushed. All the emotions of the past weeks broke through Alice's carefully crafted wall of indifference and it must have shown her face.

"Can I help you?" Lorilee inquired in a patronizing tone, arm slung around Ly's waist.

Alice stood, with what she was certain was a look of disgust on her face, staring for just a beat before answering.

"Actually, yes. I was wondering if he has given you a pet name yet."

"What?"

Ly looked at Alice in horror, clearly perceiving where she was going with this. He knew her too well. "Come on, Lorilee. We're going to be late for lunch."

"He hasn't, has he."

"What? No, Ly, stop it." Lorilee broke away from Ly and came to stand toe to toe with Alice. "What are you on about Longbottom?"

"Nothing too important. You wouldn't even understand. But just so you know...he called me Babe." Alice reinforced her statement with all the bitterness she felt inside and then she walked away. And with that she walked away.

As time passed her anger dissipated and was replaced by what she could only describe as heartache. Especially when there were a few moments they were caught alone and Ly tried to apologize, make-up for what he'd done, and once even try to rekindle the flames between them. That only broke Alice's heart all the more.

"Ly, you have a girl."

"But..."

"No, lesson learned. Love the girl you have or you'll lose her. I might dislike her but that doesn't mean she deserves to be cheated on. I know what that feels like. Go away Scamander. You have the girl you picked..."

But that didn't mean Alice didn't cry...a lot. He wasn't right for her. Rose said it. June said it. Even her Dad said it. That didn't make it stop the hurt of knowing that he had picked someone else. That was when she met Sherman. He was a fellow Gryffindor who was in all her classes. They met when she needed help on a Defense quiz. He helped her with Defense and she helped him with Herbology. He made her laugh and he listened to her dreams. He got on with her other mates and she got on with his. And they dated all through 6th and 7th year just as Ly did the same with Lorilee. Sherman didn't like Ly and vice versa but it didn't really matter. School came to a close. Through Alice, Sherman got his dream job as a dragon trainer. While in Romania he met the girl of his dreams and Alice was happy for him. She wondered that her break up with Sherman was so painless when he break up with Ly had nearly crippled her. She decided that sometimes life simply made no sense.


	4. Three

The Third Time

Alice knew there was a difference between loving someone and being in love with them. As she walked away from her truly lovely relationship with Sherman she knew that although she had loved being with Sherman she had not been in love with him. Being in love meant was uncomfortable. Being in love pushed and pulled, making you more yourself. Being in love didn't leave you exactly the same and it didn't end.

After school everyone DID something with their lives. Scor went to medical school. Al started his business in photography. June became a curse-breaker. Rose disappeared to the four winds. Alice was left directionless.

One sunny September day after getting back from her job at the Leaky Cauldron Alice paced her room. She walked to the window, swiveled around and walked to the door, swiveled around and walked back to the window. She knew she was going to wear a hole in the floor. Ly's face floated in front of hers and she felt the familiar rush. She was falling for him again. Lysander Scamander. Ly who was...well he wasn't exactly a manwhore but he wasn't a virgin. She was.

But she subscribed to the life philosophy of "What The Hell?" It would have taken everyone in her family by surprise if they knew but it didn't change the reality. Of course Ly knew. The only person who ever seemed to see her. Rose and Scor had always taken center stage with their denial and angst and drama. Somehow she and Ly were never as dramatic as those two. Circumstances made it dramatic between her and Ly but they themselves just lived in the moment. If they were happy they kissed. If they were mad they ignored each other. So now, when they were both directionless they spent that time together.

It wasn't neglect that her parents let her date the guy who'd cheated on her. Her Mum and Dad let her be her own person. They had both felt lost after the Second War but it was that feeling of being lost got them together. Besides they loved her as she was and with Ly she was happy. When she looked at him she saw happily ever after. Now, she wasn't stupid. This was a small town not hollywood. She couldn't change him. He wasn't going to come to her on his knees and beg for her...he wasn't a knight in shining armor. But she didn't want that. At 18 years of age she wanted the clueless git with too much money because he saw her just as she was...a girl pretending to be a princess. That was the key to their relationship. He knew her. He saw her when she swore and stomped her feet and cried. He didn't make a big deal that "polite little Alice" or "shy little Alice" was being dramatic. He accepted that with her "still waters run deep" and he loved her for it. He loved to help talk her off the ledge. She loved to exchange thoughts with him in a single look. She was IN love with him and he with her. And so they dated. Looking back Alice realized she was stupid but she was still young and had loved him with the passion of someone beyond her years.

* * *

Ly knew he didn't deserve her. He had been stupid to let Lorilee...well that was the past and Ly lived in the moment and Alice had waited for him. Like always. She was his constant. She never did loud, grand gestures but she was always there. He didn't understand it. He almost didn't understand her. But when they were together it was like they were two completely different people. With her he wasn't the brilliant, but useless, Lysander Scamander, twin brother of future Minister Lorcan Scamander. To her he was just Ly. When he was with her there were no masks. So even though he had cheated on her and lost her trust, had cemented his reputation as a git with the rest of the clan, had lost his faith in himself he kept loving her. He keep riding the storm of his life and hoped she'd let him in with the rain. As incredibly cheesy that concept seemed to him.

* * *

When they started seeing each other again it was wonderful.

"It's sparks and magic and wonderfulness." She admitted to Molly.

"You're lucky."

"We belong together." Alice insisted before her tone changed "Then somedays it's like he's a million miles away."

Molly looked over to where Ly sat playing chess with Lorcan "What do you think causes it?"

"I have no idea. We don't talk about it but I'm dying inside and I can't read his face. Merlin, I am so nervous around him now. I'm losing my mind and it feels like we're heading for a rather nasty ending."

Alice thought she was used to heartbreak. She thought that after that blissful summer and Lorilee they were finally at a good place. Then Ly went quiet and put up walls and Alice couldn't help but wonder if somehow she was stuck in some kind of sick tragedy. She hated pretending that the loud silences were nothing.

Ly watched Alice across the room. She was gorgeous. Her honey colored hair was up and away from her face, framing it perfectly. The faintest lip gloss made her full lips enticing. Her brown eyes seemed to glow in the late afternoon sun. She and Molly had spent the day helping him and Lorcan move into their new house. She had made them dinner and now the four of them were simply enjoying each others company. Right? Ly wouldn't lie to himself. Things were still tense between him and Alice. She was pushing for them to be a "couple" again.

"Your move." Lorcan looked up.

Ly looked from his brother to Alice. "Give me a second. I need to clear my head."

Lorcan looked as his brother and turned to look at Alice. "I can see that."

Ly glared at his twin. "Shut up."

"She wants to get back together doesn't she?"

"Yeah."

"What are you going to do?"

Ly looked from Alice to his brother. "Beats me."

But in all truth he knew what he would do. He would be careful with his emotions and see where this would lead. Besides if she got too close she'd start to see that he was gaining a second set of friends and she would like them. Better to keep her at a distance. But as the summer progressed and they grew close again Ly let his guard down only to ruin life all over again.

* * *

It was the last day on August, and as they watched stars come out from the roof like back when they were little. He had just come from some rather nasty dealings with some wizarding lowlifes. Sitting there with Alice Ly knew that he was lucky to have her. So he made her world explode in a shower of happiness. He kissed her gently and then whispered "I love you, Alice Longbottom. Forever and always."

Forever and Always.

It was a mantra from their childhood that they had tacked onto promises they wanted to never break and things they didn't want to end.

"I will only eat chocolate ice cream forever and always."

"Summer forever and always."

"Not fail Divination forever and always."

When she said it back Ly knew she meant it even more than he had.

* * *

Three days later and he hadn't said anything to her since that night. Alice was in a bad mood. Plus it was Tuesday. She hated Tuesdays because every single shite thing that happened to her in this bloody relationship seemed to happen on a damn Tuesday.

"Hullo." He stopped in on her during her work day.

"Hullo." she replied.

He looked bad. His blue eyes bloodshot, his normally gorgeous black hair all limp. For the first time Alice thought he looked like a lost boy and she wondered what kind of company he kept that he'd look like that in the morning. Then she mentally put on her armor because she had no idea where they were going with all this.

"Listen, Alice, I know I what I told you the other night and it's not that I didn't mean it but it's just that...I have other things and I can't very well stop them..."

"Back the hell up, Ly. Have you forgotten everything? You said forever. You said always. Not me."

That was when she realized that maybe forever and always wasn't so long after all. And Lysander broke her heart again. So she pushed him away instead of fighting for what she wanted. It was strange because even though they weren't "together" they were still around each other all the time. And it looked mutual and amicable to everyone else. But inside both Ly and Alice were bleeding.


	5. Four

**The Fourth Time**

They turned 20. Rose came back. She and Scor began their crazy back and forth. Teddy and Vic were married. Dom and Peirce and then James and Noire were getting serious. Molly fell for Thomasz. Fred was falling for Cora. Love was in the air. And Ly seemed to feel it. He seemed to sleep with anything in a skirt. Alice tried to not let it hurt her. They had stopped dating on mutual agreement. She had no claim on him. He was an adult (numerically at least) and he wasn't her responsibility. So she did what any smart girl would do. She avoided him. But then she'd missed his birthday and he showed up at her place the next day. She had just gotten back from a trip to visit relations.

"It was my birthday. Even Rose was there."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"You knew I couldn't be there."

"But that doesn't mean I didn't miss you."

Alice looked up from the bag she was unpacking to where he stood smirking in the doorway. Alice rolled her eyes but her stomach had dropped. This was the Lysander she loved, the one who looked at her like he wanted to devour her but promised she would enjoy it as much as he did. Unfortunately she no longer knew if that look was just for her or if it was standard fare. So she tried to ignore him.

"Alice."

The way he said her name made her knees weak. But she tried to be smart and not play with fire so she glanced up with as much indifference as she could.

"Just walk away."

His eyes grew wide and Alice felt a surge of strength.

"You might not give a damn but I have cried over you Lysander Scamander. And it's a shame because you used to be my best mate. So, after careful thought, I'd prefer if you'd leave."

Ly nodded and she watched him leave. As much as it hurt to keep pushing him away Alice felt she could handle it. She was 21 and she could move on.

* * *

Lysander on the other hand couldn't manage that. It was almost humorous to him. She grew daily more lovely to him. She was everything he wanted. But he knew he'd mucked things up. And he'd be lying if he said he cared about their bloody past. He was a man of the here and now and he wanted Alice back in his life with force. Lucky for him he knew Alice wanted him back too. So he said he'd give her space but then turned around an invaded her space at the next available moment. Slowly he worked on her. From his point of view it wasn't simply that he loved her. It was that she was Alice and he needed her. And in those rare honest moments when he woke in the middle of the night and couldn't get back to sleep Lysander admitted that he had loved her all along. She was his only lifeline, the only thing that kept him sane. He'd spent the years since graduation slipping into circles and company he didn't want to contemplate. He was getting stuck in a mire of black magic and bad news. Alice was like the sun after a winter in Siberia. He needed her.

"I hate this." She was talking to herself but he answered her anyway.

"Let me help."

"What are you doing here Scamander?"

"Looking for you."

"I thought we agreed we would give each other space."

"But you can't say that you aren't pleased to see me."

Alice settled the wooden box of snapdragons on her hip and gave him a long look. He returned the look taking in her braided honey color hair and warm brown eyes that he could get lost in...if they weren't trying to set him on fire.

She was dressed in jeans and t-shirt, working on her latest project: an old muggle farm house she was fixing up so she could resell it. Whereas Ly did virtually nothing with his life, Alice was constantly doing something. So he found out what her projects were and followed her there. Today he was dressed as she was, ready to work and intent on helping her landscape the place by wand and hand.

"I am not going to reply because I think your head might explode from vanity."

Ly tried to contain his smirk as he took the plants from her but her eyebrows told him he had failed. Ly laughed a lot.

"Alice, your face is a incredibly entertaining."

"I hope that's all it is."

"Oh no, you also know it's the loveliest face in the world."

"You're on thin ice Scamander."

"You know me. I'm a glutton for danger. That's why I keep finding you."

Alice blushed prettily and Ly leaned in to kiss her. She deftly avoided him placing a small perfect hand on his lips.

"Alice."

"No."

"Please."

Alice whither him with a single look. "No."

* * *

Every time she said no Alice felt her armor slipping. He was her favorite person and he made her happy, filled her with a sense of completion. She knew he wasn't just messing with her. He needed her. Whenever he got into a scrape he showed up at the door to her suite of rooms above the Leaky Cauldron.

There would be a knock at some horrid hour like 3:17 am and then she'd hear.

"Alice! Open up! Please, baby!"

"You're drunk Scamander, go home."

But he'd keep knocking until she opened up and helped him get home.

So then, one night when she'd had enough, she apparated to her room at her parents house. Then a few minutes later there would be the sound of pebble against the window.

"Alice! Come on! Open up! You know I love you! Come on babe!"

She would hoped it would start to rain. And then it did.

The next morning she went down to breakfast, glad her parents were up at Hogsmeade for the weekend. When she went to let out her cat out, sitting on the steps was Lysander. He stood quickly, already smirking.

Alice frowned at him. "There is nothing you can say to make me let you in. I mean it."

"I'm sure you do. So I'll do something instead." And reaching out his kissed his way through the door. He kissed her all the way to the kitchen table. Somewhere in between 4th year and the present day Lysander had out stripped her in height and strength. Somehow despite her parents being taller than average Alice had stopped growing at 14 with a height of 5'3" whereas Ly had shot up during 7th year to be a strapping 6'0" (which was short if you compared him to Scor or June or Teddy but next to Alice he was a giant).

Ly picked her up so she was sitting on the table and their heights were more even. He angled his lips over hers and she melted against him. She missed him. She missed this: the kisses like lightning and thunder and gentle rain and cricket whispers all at the same time.

"I missed you." Ly whispered when they came up for air.

"I missed you more."

Ly shook his head and came in for another kiss. His hands on her hips keeping her in place as he devoured her mouth.

"Easy there." Alice whispered as he move his lips to her neck.

"I'm going too fast aren't I?"

"Are you for real Scamander?"

"Oh no, you're brain just woke up." Ly leaned in to kiss her lips again but she scooted out of his reach, sitting in the middle of the table. "Come on Alice, don't do this to me. Why do you fight this when we both want it?"

"You are a moron you know that? I think you are barmy, like mentally unstable, certifiably insane. All you've ever done is break my heart."

"And yet you still kiss me like I'm oxygen."

"Shut the fuck up Scamander and get out." Alice was full out screaming. She didn't do it often and when she did it was directed at Lysander. He stood in her kitchen looking for all the world like he belonged. True he had kissed her silly but now, in his words, her brain had woken up and she wasn't going to stand for this.

"Maybe you don't care but I have cried over you enough to..." Alice looked at him from where she sat on the table and for once she could read his mind. "You care."

"Of course I do."

"Then what the hell were you thinking?"

"That you deserve better."

"But I want you."

"Don't contradict me...wait what?"

"I want you."

"Then why do you push me away? Why do you ignore me?"

"Why do you sleep around? We both have ways of coping."

"Well you're coping mechanism is shite."

"Yours causes disease."

"HEY! I'm clean!"

"Keep this up and you won't be."

"What do you care?"

"I basically just admitted to loving you..."

"Like I actually believed that."

"You did or you would have reacted."

"You know me too well."

"Yeah, I do."

Then they were kissing again, somewhere in the yelling match they had come back close together. All the fury Alice felt was poured into the kiss and Ly took it all. When they broke for air Alice pounded his granite like chest with her fits.

"You're a bastard."

"I know."

"But I keep loving you."

"And I you."

He kissed her this time, a rough possessive kiss. She fought for control but finally relinquished because she needed him and she didn't want to look back. She wanted to ignore what they had been and be swept away with the intensity of their feelings.

The emotions were intense and it bled into the rest of their lives. It was then that Alice left the Leaky Cauldron and started working for the mail service training owls. That was when the game started. Every day Alice would send Ly a love letter. She had a fascination for mail and Ly had a fascination for the written word so it was perfect. They were insync and at balance with each other. Some days she wrote poems, some days prose. It could be dripping with sentiment or a pragmatic idea. Meanwhile Ly would read them and think on them and then buy her dinner and give her his reply. Ly finally convinced her to take dance classes with him so they learned to communicate through salsa, swing, blues and waltz. Alice got him to play the guitar and sing with her. They kept up work on the house in the country and both of them secretly hoped they wouldn't sell it in the end but could fill it with small children with deep blue eyes and honey colored hair. And they let time pass, happy in their bubble of joy, as drama raged around them. Scor left for Ireland. Rose started to work for Riley and started dating Miles. Vic and Teddy had a baby. Dom and Pierce got even more serious. June started to work for James and Fred. Lorcan continued to influence the world around him. Life was simple. Easy almost. A year and a half passed. And that's when Ly started to get antsy.

He had been trying to stay on track but he got bored easily. He was used to having two lives. Since graduation he had his family, friends, and Alice and he had his smuggling. Nothing too dangerous or too dark but he had money and connections. Ly was almost certain that the others would be shocked that he had a reputation on the black market of being a excellent money lender. But there was another part of him that was certain that they would just brush it off as "well, it's Ly...you know how he is." That's how they all saw him...a reckless wastrel. So he calmed the nagging inside that what he was doing, be it supplying muggle retailers with dark magic objects or lending money to those looking to purchase more expensive things from Knockturn Alley was dangerous and stupid. There was a thrill to the lowlife. And no one needed to know. Except that Alice did.

* * *

She wasn't sure how she figured it out but Alice was aware of Ly's 'other life' and it worried her. But she kept it to herself because they fought about enough things in his real life. Besides she didn't want to scare him off. She hoped it was just a phase. Even though she knew it wasn't. It was in late September, a rainy Tuesday, that Alice ran into Ly and some lowlife making a deal. She'd had to go looking for one of her missing birds when she saw two cloaked figures make a transfer of a briefcase on the street front of the mail office on Diagon Alley. She recognized the clock of the former because she had mended it. As she approached she knew he saw her. She knew that he knew that she knew who he was. He would expect her to turn a blind eye. But Alice loved him too much for that.

"You're not sorry."

He froze, cigarette just lit, standing under the streetlight. He took a drag before he turned to look at her. His Alice. The moment he lived in fear of had come. Her eyes were cold when he looked at her.

"I am not going to do this anymore Lysander. Not if you are going to keep living this way. I can't believe a word you say anymore. You've faded into someone I don't know anymore."

What was he supposed to say. It was true. He was a bold faced liar and a bastard. She'd finally figured it out, accepted it and his most recent fuck up was the last straw. The problem was, looking at her, crying quietly in the lamplight, seeing the pity in her eyes, he was sorry. For the first time, Ly was sorry, for all of it. And it was too late. But then, you reap what you sow.

After Alice confronted him about how he was living his life she kept her distance. Unfortunately Ly refused to take a hint. He pushed and prodded and wrote her and called her looking glass.

"This time we are never getting back together. He picks fights and lies and is too emotional and everything! We are nothing anymore!" Alice was screaming at no one in particular as she stomped around her flat getting dressed. "I am going out and getting myself a man who doesn't exhaust me. And I am never going to love Lysander again. Like EVER!" And pulling on her coat Alice slammed the door of her apartment. A woman on a mission to forget the only person she had ever loved. She ended up at a muggle bar downing shots.

"Rough night?" The barmaid asked.

"Nasty Break-up." Alice replied.

"Thought so. Drinks on me. I'm Nina."

"Alice."

The two shook hands and shared drinks and awful boyfriend stories until Alice was too drunk to stand.

"Do you have someone I can call?" Nina asked.

Alice thought for a moment and then shook her head. "It's kind of complicated. I'll take the bus. Thanks."

So signalled the night bus, got sick in that bathroom and ended up sleeping at the house she and Ly were fixing. She woke up the next day filled with bitter regret and a horrid headache. She looked around the house, almost finished, and decided she was going to sell it as is that day and pick a new one to fix up. That would help her forget Ly right? She had tried to move on before. Moving on didn't work. This time she aimed to forget that Ly was even existent.

* * *

"You sold our house."

"That was always the plan."

Ly took two strides across the room and grabbed her shoulders. "No. It wasn't."

His voice was a growl. He was so irate he was seeing spots. Looking into her almost black eyes Ly saw the walls she had with everyone else. So he put up his too.

"Fine."

"Fine."

"Goodbye Alice."

She just went back to her work. They didn't get back together after that.


	6. Five

The Fifth Time

There wasn't technically a fifth time since they were together but there was a last major heartbreak for Ly and Alice. It would happen during that same Christmas season that saw the banishing of Miles. A few months had passed since Alice had sold the house and they had shut each other out enough that they had perfected the image that they were ok around each other. No one knew that they had been "together" in the years since they had broken up after school. Alice was fine with that. She regretted their relationship. And yet even though she felt bitterly alone, even though she knew Ly felt much the same, even though she had no idea how to fix her life, even though Ly was still being stupid Alice only felt happy when they were together.

She knew it wasn't supposed to work out. It had not when they were 16 nor when they were 19 nor when they were 21. So she hadn't expected it to work now, at 23.

And even if it didn't work out she had not thought that would be their last.

He was Lysander. She was Alice. It was fate that they forever chase each other like some kind of Greek myth. There was no end to missed chances and bad timings.

But soon he didn't miss her.

She seemed to fade from memory.

He moved on...and she was forgotten.

She had to purposely run into Lorcan to ask how Ly was.

She hoped life was beautiful for him...

She didn't know what to do...because she had always been HIS Alice and now she was something he didn't even miss...like an old shirt or a broken pencil.

Except it was her heart was the thing that was broken.

"Oh...Ly..."

And Alice let herself cry, soaking his old shirt.

She couldn't forget him. It didn't matter that she tried because she did. But this was Ly and forgetting him was like trying to know a stranger. Besides, people didn't change overnight. She wasn't going to stop being the girl who saw that beneath the stupid git was a person seeking to be his own person. So even though she was pretty sure that it was over for them Alice still wanted to see Ly become a better person. And she knew that he knew that she still felt that way. She reminding him of clan events and even picked him up before hand to try and make sure he didn't have work when the clan needed them around. She tried to help him stop. Most days it felt hopeless but she kept at it...until the Christmas party where he didn't show.

He wasn't there. He should have been there with his most devastating smile and his dangerously carefree attitude. For once it should have been a happy moment for them. Alice waited. All through dinner and the first songs she waited. He had said he'd be there. And he wasn't.

And maybe it wouldn't be so bad if she had been surprised. But she wasn't. She hadn't actually expected him to come. He had told her several times he wanted to be the one to walk her into the party. But she hadn't believed him. So when he wasn't there…Alice felt her stomach drop. And she knew.

It didn't matter how much they had loved each other Lysander Scamander would always let her down, always choose the easy way, and always put himself before her.

So she cried her eyes out in a bathroom stall and then again in the foray when Rose and Molly and Lorcan sent her looks of pity and then again out on the balcony after dancing with June...and then again and again and again.

Time passed in slow motion until he was finally there...too late to be of any good. He cut in on a dance and whispered in her ear.

"I'm sorry I wasn't here."

"I'm sorry too." What was she supposed to do? She knew he had stood her up for a last minute deal. She knew it really was the last time they would break up because she couldn't take it anymore. Each time she had said that she couldn't take anymore and still she had sucked it up and let him break her heart again. In that moment she knew her breaking point was well and gone. She saw she was just enabling him. And she hated herself for it. So she left the party in tears believing she was safe to hide and learn to get over him.

Until Ly ruined it.

"One more night. I know I've said it a million times but just one more." He knew he was pressuring her. He felt stupid because he kept crawling back but even more than his addiction to thrills he was addicted to Alice. He dodged the mug she threw at him. "Please, please Alice. One night together."

She slammed the door but Ly proceeded to beat his fist into it.

"Damn it Ly, go away!"

He kicked at the door. "No."

Alice opened the door and took a swing at him. Ly dodged it, grabbed her wrists and pulled her in close. "Come on, Alice. You want this too."

She glared at him. "And in the morning?"

Ly felt his heart deflate. "What do you want me to say?"

"That it will mean something." Alice spat. "Except that I won't believe you unless it comes with vows."

Ly threw her back and she hit the wall. "Why are you so stubborn?"

"Excuse me? You want to take something from me that I don't want to give away."

"You love me."

"That's not enough."

"Why the hell not?"

"Because I want my first time to be bloody important and I want to only share that with my husband if you must know."

Ly just blinked at her. "Just once Alice."

She slapped him then and walked back inside without another word.

* * *

Now Ly knew it too. And everyone else did too. So when Lorcan told him that he needed to do right by Alice he listened. He had to get out. So he closed up his last deals and decided to disappear. He didn't plan on telling Alice but he then they ran into each other at the post office when he went to get a port key.

"Ly? What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

She looked from him to the port key "Where are you going?"

Alice felt her stomach drop. His blue eyes were like chips of ice.

"I have to do right by you. I am going to the Americas. I have messed your life up enough."

"Ly, you aren't making any sense." Alice started to panic. Sure she was still trying to figure them out but she didn't want him to leave. And he was walking away. AGAIN! Only this time she knew it would be forever.

But he couldn't be gone! They had to finish this. He disappeared from sight but like looking straight into a street light when she closed her eyes she still saw the faintest glow of who he was to her.

* * *

As he walked he could still see her face. It was killing him to leave. It was like Gone with the Wind and Casablanca and Roman Holiday. In real life. He didn't know how to live without her. The break was jagged shards embedded in his heart bleeding him dry but he had to keep breathing.

He had never wanted to hurt her but he was human. It would never work out between them. It was never meant to.

He drew a deep breath and wished for a cigarette. He had given them up for her. As he let it out he thought about how he had also lost a friend today. And no one could save him from the fall to doom he was on.

But he had to keep breathing.

"I'm sorry." He whispered to the wind and hoped Alice would understand.

* * *

And he was gone. Some days she regretted it all. But she could never regret the summer of fifth year, when for so a brief moment they were happy. So it was understandable that she often held that letter she'd wrote way back when in her hand and wondered if she should send it. It was a love letter. It confessed that he had her whole heart in his hands and that she didn't care about any of it. That she would forgive him every single time. She hoped that when he heard that song he'd remember how he'd taught her to dance. She hoped he remembered that she still had his shirt. She hoped he would fall back in love with her.

* * *

He got the letter. It was May and he carried the letter in his breast pocket.

It was sad. He cried. She cried. But mostly it was sad because he could have saved it and he hadn't. It was lamentable. It was pitiable. It was pathetic. She haunted him...but he couldn't, wouldn't fix it.

It was beautiful. Because she was an angel. She was beauty itself. And she had made his bizarre double life beautiful.

It was tragic because him, being the Git he was, had doomed them from the beginning. Star-crossed. Romeo and Juliet by his own choice.

And there was no way to get back who they were.

It would be easier if she hated him. But she couldn't. Neither did she pity him. She didn't miss him because it was like he was always there. She could picture who they had been. The sometime lovers, sometime enemies, always friends they had always been. She was stuck remembering what picturing their future felt like. Maybe they got lost in details or planning or the world. Or maybe it wasn't her fault at all. Maybe it was all him. She'd kill whoever told him to "do right by her" if she knew who it had been. Just as time had stopped for Rose, Alice was stuck trying to find herself. But she was unsure where she had gotten lost and who she had been before Ly had messed up her whole life. She didn't want to sound desperate but didn't he remember who they had been and the rare union of hearts they had ALWAYS had?

* * *

He was her first, last and only heartbreak.

He broke her heart when they were 14 and he said "We should just be friends."

He broke her heart when they were 16 and he gave his virginity to Lorilee instead of saving it for her.

He broke her heart when they were 17 and he asked her to pick up his pieces.

He broke her heart when they were 19 and they stopped dating when he dropped out of school.

He broke her heart when they were 20 and he slept with anything in a skirt.

He broke her heart when they were 21 and he tried to be better but he had been lying.

He broke her heart when they were 22 and he went away for good.

He broke her heart when they were 23 and he came back different.

But she forgave him because she discovered that she had broken his heart every single time too.

* * *

**a/n** I am sorry for the delay. This has been written but I didn't want to post it because it makes me so sad. =( But be brave my dear readers because there is a EPILOGUE to be published this Friday. I can't do it before b/c it contains spoilers for my other story: How SHM conquered the many faces of RNW. That will be finished up this Friday as well if I can myself in gear! ;o)

Signing off,  
Alex


	7. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

She missed him. She was 24 years old, dating an amazing guy and had the career of her dreams. And she missed him.

She missed the uncertainty of the events in the midst of the certainty that they were in love.

With Derek she knew where she stood but she didn't know if they were in love.

With Lysander she knew he loved her to the point of breakdown and chaos.

With Derek she knew they would have dinner on every other Friday at The Lilac.

With Ly she knew that he was always so wild and frustrating until he was with her and then he was tender and gentle.

The knowledge basically overwhelmed her.

She had been so in love with him she'd threatened a girl and gotten detention for six months. He had asked her to never do that again because he felt bad.

She had never even gotten another chance to fight for him.

And she regretted that.

He could picture her, sitting on her reading chair, looking over the city, drinking a butterbeer and thinking.

The image in his head made him want to call her, write her, run back home.

She probably thought he'd moved on or hated her. She wouldn't think that he was just trying to be done saying goodbye.

* * *

He gripped the window sill tightly and breathed through his nose, eyes closed trying to hold on and not give in. Every time he thought of the mess they'd made he almost went home. **Every** time, he almost went back. But he had learned control so he held on because it was what was best for both of them.

He sent her a mental kiss and turned in for the night knowing he'd dream of her.

His house smelt more like home than hers did. She sat with Auntie Luna helping her downsize so she and Uncle Rolf could move again. That's when Alice came across a photos from three autumns back. She had lived with them for 5 months when her parents had gone traveling. She remembered it all.

* * *

"Alice dearie?" Auntie Luna asked when Alice froze.

"I'm ok." Alice replied _but I'm not fine at all._

Getting lost, running red lights, dancing at midnight in the kitchen, picnics, hiking...But it was long gone.

She had forgotten how much she loved him. How it had broken her heart when he had tried to be honest. Maybe it wasn't all his fault but it felt that way. She remembered what it felt like to totally lose yourself in tears because the one real thing you ever loved said goodbye.

She felt paralyzed. She knew how Rose had felt now.

She walked back to the flat by herself. She hadn't found that scarf. She guessed Ly still had it. In the States...and Alice was suddenly hopeful.

Then came Scor and Rose's wedding.

And it was fast approaching. Rose and Scor were sickening in love. Alice had to smile though. The wedding meant that Ly would be back. The hope inside her grew each day. He was her whole world. She had tried to move on and forget him but loving him was bright red lifeblood pumping through her veins.

Loving him seemed inevitable now. Because the world was dark and unforgiving when he wasn't there. The world was lifeless. He came as easily to her as breathing and moving on was impossible when 10 years of back and forth played on slow motion in her brain 24/7. Even when she had taken on the task she'd found it had been a waste of time.

Lysander was her destiny and she'd get him back.

Needless to say Ly was nervous. The last thing that had happened to them was the massive fight that led to him leaving for the States. He was only back because Scor and Rose was getting married. They hadn't talked that entire time. He had spent the past months replaying December over and over. And he missed her. Her smile, her smooth skin, her smell.

He swore if he was given just ONE more chance he'd do it right. But he would understand if she was done with him forever. It made sense. December had been...awful...

And now after all this time he knew what he was missing. And it almost killed him.

He watched Scor and Roses together. He felt sick. Why had he agreed to come to this? He took another drink of scotch. He was a heartbreaker and would never be more than that.

Alice wasn't even there at the decorating party. She hated him now, he was sure. He was a liar, a cheat and a idiot for ever letting her go.

She had burned their relationship to the ground when he'd left.

He felt like a worthless lump of coal.

The day of the wedding dawned bright and clear. Rose was thrilled. Scor was nervous. And all Alice could think of was seeing Lysander. She had missed the parties leading up to the wedding (with Rose's permission) because of work. So she hadn't seen him yet. She was standing in the Burrow living room when he walked in.

_Here comes trouble _was all she could think. He looking dashing in his perfectly tailored black tux. He met her eyes. They froze. Face to face after so long. He had been fiddling with his bow tie.

"Come here. I'll do it for you." Alice stated in the stronger voice than she thought she was capable of. He had definitely stolen her breath. Like always.

"Thank you." He stepped up, standing a good head taller than she was and placed the blue silk into her hands. She made short work of it. They were quite close to each other. Eye to eye almost. His were uncertain but that glint was there.

He was trouble.

But she didn't really care. Sometimes, you had to risk yourself if you wanted to live.

* * *

It's not like it was all perfect after she tied his tie. He had wanted it be. She done that for him since Hogwarts. But life wasn't a movie and even if it was he wasn't the hero. But he wished it was.

Things, people changed. He was different. So was she...someone even more beautiful and a million times too good for him. He wanted to show up at her door tomorrow and know that she would open the door and let him in. But he didn't know that. Maybe they could work it out...if life was like the movies.

But life didn't always have happily ever after as an ending.

_knock knock_

Ly ruffled his hair and opened his door. There she stood. They were both still wearing their wedding clothes. He couldn't even say anything.

"Can I come in?" She asked as she brushed past him. He was still frozen for a moment before he closed the door and turned to look at her. She was beautiful even in her mussed up makeup and dress.

"Why?" Alice asked standing looking like she fit perfectly in his world. He took a moment to consider her question. It covered everything and anything.

"I thought you wouldn't want me."

Alice nodded and he knew he had just explained everything he'd ever done. Silence stretched and Ly looked at the floor bracing himself for the impact of her saying he was right in thinking that. But if she felt that way why was she here, in his house?

"I'll always want you."

Ly froze again. The only indication that she'd even spoken was the look on her face. She still loved him.

"Can you clarify that?"

Alice stepped forward, reached up and kissed him. "Does that help?"

Ly smiled. "A little, but I could use a bit more light on the subject."

She swatted his arm and let him kiss her even harder.

* * *

And maybe she regretted some of it. But true love was tested by fire. And it all led to this moment early in the morning after a night of no sleep. She made them tea and they sat on the porch and watched the sunrise. They were quiet because over the years they had both said too much. Leaning into him, as he played with her hands, she could feel him breath.

He had scruff from not shaving. His blue eyes looked far away and slightly sad. His mouth was a tight line. But right now she didn't resent his presence. Right now, all she wanted was to be with him. He had come back and that swept her away in feelings of joy and awe. He'd finally "done right by her"

She gently pressed a kiss to the underneath of his chin. His breath caught and he looked down at him and smiled.

Then he kissed her. Gently. Tenderly.

And she was happy for the first time in a long time.

He had missed her

He had not forgotten her

That had not been their last kiss.

The kisses would never end.

And that was very good.

* * *

**a/n **And there you have it folks. The end. Please, please, please tell me if you did or didn't like it by leaving a review! Check out my other NextGen fics on my profile!  
signing off,  
Alex


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